Him (Hope & Reason)
by capriciousToreador
Summary: For my platonic soul mate, Boadicea. SolKat. Karkat is searching for the true meaning of Hope and Reason. Only one person can help him see the meanings.
1. Chapter 1

**Hope**

_noun _

1. A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

-A person or thing that may help or save someone.

-Grounds for believing that something good may happen.

2. A feeling of trust.

_verb_

1. Want something to happen or be the case.

-Intend if possible to do something.

**Reason**

_noun  
_

1. A cause, explanation, or justification for an action or event.

-Good or obvious cause to do something.

-A premise of an argument in support of a belief, especially a minor premise when given after the conclusion.

2. The power of the mind to think, understand, and form judgments by a process of logic.

-What is right, practical, or possible; common sense.

-One's sanity.

_verb_

1. Think, understand, and form judgments by a process of logic.

-Find an answer to a problem by considering various possible solutions.

-Persuade (someone) with rational argument.

These were terms that Karkat Vantas didn't understand.

There was no hope left for him to believe that someone would come save him. That something good would happen.

There was no reason left for him to have a good motivation to do what he did. There was no reason for him to be here.

But here he was.

He stood in front of a full body mirror, nude besides his underwear.

How I hate my body.

Cuts, bruises, scars, and welts riddled along my short, slim, compact frame. Each with their own story and something I don't want to remember, but I did every time I stared at my hideous reflection.

Dyed black hair contrasted against my stark skin so pale.

Disgustingly candy red eyes flecked with silvery white gazed back at me with dark circles underneath due to the lack of sleep.

I was a mutant, grossly and spitefully planned out as a human.

It was some genetically sick joke to even be placed in this world as a human.

He didn't belong. He was an outcast with no one.

He was all alone.

He was an albino freak.

He had nobody.

He was a nobody.

I was a nobody.

That unlovely boy staring back at me was I.

I shook my head and turned away from the mirror to prepare for the school day, shivering from the chill in my dimmed room.

I couldn't look at my appalling physique any longer. It made me feel violently ill.

Overpowering the urge to smash my mirror to pieces, I sauntered over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of socks, black skinny jeans, a grey undershirt, and my favorite black turtleneck with a grey Cancer symbol on the front. I slipped on the articles sluggishly and adjusted them so everything was covered but my face and hands.

Dear lord, I dressed like a fucking nun.

Kankri doesn't object to my clothing. That fucking bible humper.

I looked around my room quickly for my pair of bright red high top Converse so I didn't get in trouble for wearing all black shit. I pulled those fuckers on my feet and tied them all the way up tightly, as if they were going to fall off anyways. Please. Converse high tops are the hardest pieces of shit to get off of your feet. You're being over dramatic, Karkat.

Once they were tight enough and I did a once over of myself in the mirror, I grabbed my (also) bright red backpack and left my room.

Of fucking course. The person I see in the kitchen is Kankri. I guess I wasn't eating breakfast, not that I was hungry.

I huffed and made a beeline for the front door, Kankri only noticing me when I was already outside and the door was closed shut behind me.

I absolutely refused to take the bus or be driven to school. They could easily hurt on me if I rode the bus and I didn't want attention attracted to me if I was dropped off right in front of the school. I got enough hell inside the building and I didn't need anything else outside of school, so I walked.

The walk didn't take too long; only about ten or fifteen minutes and since I really didn't do anything in the mornings, I had plenty of time to get to school.

I inhaled the crisp, foggy morning October air and took in the suburban scenery. Sadly, it was the same scenery I took in every day on my journey to educational imprisonment. At least I had some time alone before I was imprisoned for almost 8 hours, five days a fucking week, 180 days a year.

The moment or dread came when the building came in sight and I felt like crawling under a rock and never coming back out, but Kankri would lecture me and my father would also lecture me. Fucking Vantases.

I sighed and leisurely made my way into the vast structure, only to be stopped by a lady in the office telling me to enter the office.

I nervously opened the door to the office, wondering if I was in trouble, if they found out about me or-

"Good morning, Mr. Vantas. There will be a new student attending here today and I'd like you to show him around," The lady at the front desk told me with a knowing look. She had no right to give me such an assuming look.

I glared slightly. "I don't need help making friends, if that's what you're implying," I scowled.

The lady shook her head, "No, no. That's not what I meant. Look, please show him around. He should be here soon, but go ahead and put you stuff in your locker."

I just scowled again and did as I was asked, returning ten minutes later. Luckily, I avoided the assholes in the hallways and made it back safely. I popped back into the office and there was a rather tall male facing the lady at the desk with his back to me.

Fuck. Why the hell does he have to be taller than me!?

I kept the scowl, aiming it at the new kid, taken aback when the lady pointed at me and he turned to face me. I very literally looked up at him, holy shit he's tall, but instead of seeing eyes, I peered into reflecting 3D glasses.

He wore a black t-shirt with a Gemini symbol, _what are the odds_, and one black and one white shoe. His raven black hair spiked up oddly in the back and strips of hair came down on the sides. The new kid smiled down at me, revealing pearly white teeth and abnormally sharp, long canines. Smugness and assfuckery radiated off of the guy in waves, hitting me like a sonic boom. He smelt like honey and he was so.. pretty...

Whoa, slow down, Vantas.

I hadn't realized I had spaced out until the boy waved a hand equipped with elegantly lengthy fingers in front of my face.

"What?" I said stupidly. Smooth. Like glass. Woo.

A snicker that made my face contort back into a scowl was emitted from the male. "Th'ollux. Th'ollux Captor," He said as he extended a hand out to me.

Oh my fucking god. A lisp? Seriously? I glared at him before shaking his hand. "Karkat. Karkat Vantas."

"Eheheh. You're pretty short, KK."

"What did you just call me!?" I pulled my hand away and my glare intensified. I hoped that I could burn right through him with my mutated eyes.

"I called you KK."

"You also called me short! I am not short! I'm just.. vertically challenged!"

Sollux snorted and smirked down at me. Asshole. "Mhmm. Whatever you th'ay."

Before I could retort, the lady at the desk spoke up with a sickeningly happy voice, "Sollux, you share the same schedule with Karkat, so he can show you around the entire day. He'll give you the tour of the school first and it will probably take you into second or third period."

I groaned and my shoulders slumped. "Seriously?"

The lady nodded and Sollux snickered again. "I hope I don't lose him in the hallways."

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

"Alright, alright! Enough! Karkat, just give him the tour already and get him to his locker," the lady chimed in. What was her name? Whatever, it doesn't matter.

I sneered and turned on my heel, beckoning for the lispy asshat to follow. I politely held open the door for him and forced a nauseous smile. "Let's go before I get suspended for wringing your neck," I said with gritted teeth.

Sollux grinned and exited the office, me right behind him. I let the door shut and I began to walk down the hallway, making sure he could keep up.

He opened his mouth to say something, but I interjected by taking a sharp turn down a hallway full of lockers.

"What the fuck is your locker number?" I halted and turned to face him again.

"Uh.." Sollux dug in his pocket and pulled out a small slip of paper and examining it. "C198."

"Holy Chris Kringlefuck! Are you shitting me!? Ooo.. that office lady has it in store for her!"

"Why? What'th the problem?"

I looked up at him and scoffed. "Your locker is right fucking next to mine. Great. The highlight of my week is having a lispy shitdick holing up in the locker next to mine. Just fabulous."

"Heh heh heh. I promi'the I'll be good, KK. I'll try not to annoy you tho much."

"Why do you keep calling me that!?"

"It'th ea'thier to th'ay than Karkat. You name al'tho ha'th two kay'th, tho yeah."

"Whatever. Just follow me." I rolled my eyes and turned away, padding down the corridor, making sure he stayed away at a safe distance.

We walked in silence until our lockers were in our sight and I stopped in front of them with him at my side.

"I hope you're not too fucking brain dead to open your locker," I spat.

He just shrugged and looked down at the combination and attempting to open it, failing miserably.

"Step aside," I plucked the piece of paper from his fingers and pushed him back a little. I spun the dial with ease and it opened on the first try. "You go left, right, left. Not right, left, right, dipshit."

Another infuriating smirk spread across his face. "Thank'th, KK. But I think I like the view from back here better." He wiggled his eyebrows and I immediately turned around and jumped away.

"Ugh! That's perverse!" I screeched at him as I felt my face heat up.

"What? My th'exuality or me looking at your ath? Becau'the if you muth't know, I'm bith'exual," Sollux said matter-of-factually.

"I don't care about your sexuality, but I think it's rude to stare at someone's ass who you've only known for ten minutes!"

"Tho.. you're th'aying that if we knew each other longer, I get full permission to look at your ath?"

"What!? No! That's not what I-"

"Relax! I wa'th fucking with you, you little ball of fury."

I glowered at him before grumbling and looking away with a frown. "Asshole.."

"Eheheheh. You are what you eat."

"Jesus fuck! That is disgusting!"

"How do you know? I bet you don't even know your own th'exuality."

"I do too! But it's none of your fucking business!"

"But I told you mine! That'th not fair, KK."

"I never asked you!"

"But I told you anyway'th!"

"Well that's too bad! Now shut the fuck up before I knock you the fuck out! I will fix the fucking lisp of yours!"

Sollux tensed and it was his turn to glare, not that I could see it, but I could feel it piercing me through his ridiculous glasses. It was unsettling. "It'th a th'peech impediment and you're very fucking rude."

"Says the guy who was just looking at my ass! You have no fucking room to speak about being rude!"

"It'th not like I wath pointing out th'omething you alway'th get made fun of for! If anything, it'th pretty fucking flattering to have your nithe ath pointed out to you!"

"Well maybe I don't take kindly to pointing out shit that's not even relevant by a complete stranger!"

"Let'th juth't drop it and give me the fucking tour tho we can get to cla'th and I don't have to lith'en to you bitch about having me th'ay you have a nithe ath!"

"Fine! Put your shit away so we can get on with it! We can come back for second, third, and fourth period's shit later!"

Sollux pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and he put his backpack away and shut the locker. "You yell _a lot._"

"Oh really now? I hadn't noticed. Maybe I wouldn't yell so much if I wasn't surrounded by fucknuts like you!"

He just snickered.

* * *

The rest of the drawn-out day, I was excruciatingly placed next to Sollux in every. Single. Class.

He wasn't completely insufferable, just kind of nosy and he kept asking me questions. It was annoying, but he's way better than Ampora.

Ampora was a different type of annoying. He was desperate, loud, spiteful, a pervert, his voice and clothes were annoying, he was flashy, and he was an overall pompous dick. How his step sister, Feferi, can even handle him is a fucking mystery.

Speaking of Ampora, I stood outside after school had ended, hoping to go home, but fishdick had to fucking engage me.

"Hey Kar," He said with his slurred British accent. God, every time I hear his voice, I want to punch him. "Wwhat's the freak doin' by himself? I thought ya had some company earlier." I tensed and clenched my fists.

"What the hell do you want from me, Eridan? I'm not in the mood to deal with your shenanigans," I looked up at him into his odd violet-blue eyes and snarled.

"I just don't wwant trouble. You better tell your acquaintance to back off or we're gonna havve a problem."

"Tell him to back off? You can't tell me who I can and can't be friends with. I am not your property. I don't even like you."

"Tch. Wwe'll see about that, Kar."

I growled at him and flipped him off. "You don't know me or him. So don't tell me or him what we can and cannot do. Thank you. You're dismissed. Kindly fuck off."

He scorned, but waltzed away, flipping his scarf over his shoulder and giving me the bird which I could not give a flying fuck about. Literally.

I watched him flaunt away until he was out of sight and I made my own way home, ignoring the crowd of buzzing peers.

For once in my life though, I didn't feel so alone with someone by my empty side.


	2. To Protect

I had not expected such a short guy to walk into the office. He had to be around 5'2" with an even shorter temper.

He scorned up at me when I turned around to look at him. Breathtaking candy red eyes that were splashed with silvery flecks flickered up to meet mine, but I could tell he was taken aback by the glasses on my face. Clad in a black turtleneck with a Cancer symbol, grey skinny jeans that hugged him quite nicely, red high tops, I gave him a once over from behind my glasses. Not bad.

I wasn't upset or uncomfortable that he was staring at me, but I could feel the awkward gaze of the office lady on my back, so I waved a hand in front of his face to snap him out of it.

"What?" He said, confused.

I snickered which made his face squeeze back into a somewhat humorous looking glare. When I outstretched my hand towards him, he gave me a quizzical look. ""Th'ollux. Th'ollux Captor," I said cringing slightly at the desecration of my own name.

With another glare he responded, "Karkat. Karkat Vantas."

* * *

It had been one week since then and let me tell you, Mondays? Yeah.. Not my thing.

I all but smashed the alarm clock on my nightstand and I literally rolled out of the comfort of my cozy bed. I hit the ground with a _thump _and laid there for a good five minutes until I decided to haul ass and get ready for school. I huffed and pulled myself up, glancing at the alarm clock.

Shit! 9 am! Fucking hell! I had amazing attendance in my old school, but god forbid I wake up late literally within my first week of a new school! I scrambled to my feet and threw on the clothes I luckily laid out last night. Yellow shirt with one right red sleeve and one left blue sleeve and a pair of black skinny jeans. Stylish. I snorted and pulled on a pair of socks and my standard white and black shoes. I quickly styled by hair, but I might as well have not even bothered considering that my hair always stood up oddly in back.

Finally, I snatched my 3D glasses from the nightstand, put them on my face, slung my backpack over my shoulder, and grabbed my car keys. I tapped on my dads' bedroom door and informed them that I was late before bolting down the stairs and out the front door. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I unlocked my car and got in, jamming the key into the ignition and zooming to school.

School was only five minutes away by car, but it always felt so much farther when you're late.

Seriously though. Why the actual fuck do we have to get up so damn early for school? What even is the point, god damn it?

No time to fret about that. Here we are. I'm once again welcomed back to hell. The only person in the damned building that can make everything a little better is Karkat. He hates it even more than I do, though he won't give me a direct reason as to why.

Fuck! I can't bother with that right now! I turned off the car as soon as I found a spot and hopped out, locking it after grabbing my backpack and booking it inside of the plain structure.

The office lady gave me a slightly disappointed look when I flew into the office and asked for a late pass. She didn't scold me, seeing how winded I was and how much I was scrambling to get here, so she handed me the pass and sent me on my merry way to first period. My first class of the day, which was science, only had about fifteen minutes left, so I took my lovely fucking time putting my shit away and strolling to the class. I popped in the last five minutes with my books and handed the teacher my pass.

Scanning the room, I spotted Karkat sitting in the farthest and most isolated spot in the room at the two person table with his head down. Either the teacher didn't notice or didn't care because she kept speaking and rambling on about something even as I went over and sat down next to the little guy and tapped his shoulder.

"Kk? Thorry I'm late. My alarm wath a little bitch and didn't fucking wake me up at the correct time," I said, whispering. I waited for a response, but I didn't get anything but him trying to discreetly slide away a little. Timid as he could be, this was uncharacteristic. However, I didn't want to piss him off or push him, so I let him be and listened to the teacher rant for the last few minutes.

The second the bell rang, Karkat bolted up and skittered out of the room, leaving me behind to face the crowded hallways alone. He didn't stop moving, even after calling out for him multiple times.

When I entered second period, math, he resumed his former sitting position with his hoodied head face down on a desk. Extremely uncharacteristic.

I could tell he had problems, but even then, he was usually kind of loud and outgoing, but all too private none the less. I immediately went over to the empty desk across the aisle from him and sat down and began to attempt to illicit a response from him.

"Karkat? Are you alright? You theem upthet and retheeded today.. is thomething bothering you?" I pried gently and cautiously rested a hand on his shoulder.

He just moved his shoulder away and remained quiet.

"Karkat? What'th wrong? Pleathe tell me," I shook his shoulder more and he muttered something and jerked away. "What?"

Very slightly, he lifted his face up so his voice wasn't contorted and he spat at me, "It's none of your fucking business. Fuck. Off." With that, his face dropped back down to the desk.

* * *

I went the rest of the school day without seeing his face, until I stopped him in the school's parking lot, offering an apology and a ride home.

"Karkat! Wait!" This persistence of course, got me nothing but a speeding up Karkat. I ran to catch him and I grabbed the sleeve of his deep crimson hoodie and spun him around. I grasped his forearms and tried to get him to look up at me because his hood shadowed his face. "Karkat. You have been avoiding me all day. Even only knowing you a week, I can fucking tell that thomething with wrong. Did I thay or do anything wrong? Pleathe tell me what I did tho I can fix it."

In an abnormally quiet voice for him, Karkat rasped, "It's not you, you dumb fuck.. Just let me the fuck go or you _will _be doing something wrong. It's none of your business if anything is bothering me or something is wrong, and frankly, I don't give a shit if you care or you noticed something was up with me. Just back off and leave me alone. You've only known me a damn week and that only counts the time in our classes. You know nothing about me and I'd like to fucking keep it that way. Understood?"

Angry or furious were not words to describe how I felt. I _wanted _to know him. I _wanted _to help him and to be his friend, but he was rejecting me, not even giving it a second thought. Over the past week I had seen people pick on him, tease him, shove him into lockers, and tripping him. He acted like it was nothing and pretended it didn't happen, brushing it off and pushing it aside like I didn't realize what was going on. Not only did I want to be his friend, to help him, to know him, but I wanted to protect him. And he was knocking the obvious need of protection that emanated from him subtly, no, angry or furious were not words to describe how I felt.

I was hurt and confused.

I didn't get why he would kick away something he so obviously needed, which was protection. No one else could see, but I did.

I wanted to be his shield.

"Karkat. Pleathe lithen to me.. It doethn't matter if I've only known you a week. I thtill care about you anywath, crathy ath that might thound. I will alwayth be here if you need to talk or if you need anything, for that matter. You think I don't thee it, but I alwayth thee you getting pushed around by other peers and then you jutht shrug it off like it never even happened, but it did! You need to thtop pretending that nothing happened becauthe that'th not how you live. You can't jutht let athholeth thtomp all over you and uthe you ath their own perthonal punching bag!" He flinched visibly at my words, not that I could see it with his hood, but I could feel it.

At last, he revealed his face by tilting his head up and sunlight reached his pale skin and spread out over it.

I gasped sharply at the sight and pulled down his hood all the way to get a better look.

"Jethuth fuck! What the hell happened to you?!" I exclaimed as I began to gently graze the pads of my fingers over the delicate, marked skin.

There was a giant black and purple bruise on his left cheekbone and his slightly plump bottom lip with split. His right eye was outlined with a thick black bruise and it was swelled a little shut.

Oddly white eyelashes flicked as he blinked, making his purely candied eyes disappear for a split second. On closer examination, the roots of his hair were white as well. I knew he wasn't normal with his milky skin and ember eyes, but I didn't think that he was albino.

"I.. When you weren't here this morning.. Eridan and some of his thugs drug me into the woods and beat the utter shit out of me right off the school's property.." Karkat whimpered at my touch and tried to look away, but I wouldn't have any of that.

I felt rage bubble up inside of me. I wanted to bash their faces in and slam their heads together. Wasn't verbally bullying the poor guy enough?

But I snapped out of it and shoved my wrath down for Karkat's sake.

I caressed his slim, smooth face in my hands and forced him to look back up at me, earning a few insisting giggles from a passing group of girls. Great. Now they're probably going to spread false accusations about Karkat's sexuality which will more than likely get him in more trouble.

Sighing, but not releasing his soft face, I said to him, "I'm tho thorry, KK.. If I knew thomething like thith wath going to happen, I would've double checked to make thure that my clock wath thet correctly," Even though that that was a stupid excuse, I cut him off before he could butt it. "And from now on, I'm driving you to thchool. No ifth, andth, or butth about it."

"Sollux.. I can handle mys-"

"No. I'm driving you to thchool and that'th final," I confirmed with a hard face. There was no way that I was going to let him get beaten up again. Not if there was a way I could prevent it.

I wanted to keep him safe and to protect him.

And that's exactly what I shall do.

I will be his shield.


End file.
